That was it. Whats she done for me recently? Hes gonna fuck one. Im not. I was like, are you okay? 144 lives saved. not with what exactly the top of. Ive fucked more people than my entire family combined. Manga section and memes, daniel transcript may went back to continue his greasy pizza? Im not hereto break up true love. And its one of those horrible moments when, you know, the police have to scrutinize things. It has been work, but we loved each other so wedid work it, because thats what you got wrong there, Daniel. Daniel Sloss is a comedian with two Netflix Specials; Dark and Jigsaw.Before he played his sold out show in Newcastle I got to sit down with the most handsom. I love dogs. And I am working on it. Theres nothing wrong with it. She is two-and-a-half years old. A lot of the time most things sound fine in your head, but when you say them out loud for the first time, youre like, aah, fuck! I shouldnt do it, but I love doing it. A little bit of a backstory to her. And even then only when youre starving! Dont google any others, you filthy little pervert. Our banter is unforgivable. The reason they do it is they are trying to bring a level of humanity laughter back to a moment that seems to lack it. That is fucking abhorrent. And the entire time, theyre just sat there being like, My turn soon, cunt. But I think that while theyre in that room being taught tampons, just also teach us the same lesson instead of fucking maths. I mean bullying your friends. This is all a performance. Yet when I want to take a piss, I gotta do a goddamn Frodo solo mission. Example as a And thats allowed. Every Disney princess has a prince, every prince has aprincess, every television show or movie always has a character in it that doesnt want to be in a relationship. And I had stopped listening. It makes them very uncomfortable. I am a scientist. Facebook vegans are to veganism what Isis are to Islam. Shes also not wrong. And then Im in a WhatsApp group with ten male comedians, so yeah. What was that like? Ill be like, hey Nigel. And I was talking to him afterwards and I was like, how was the sex? They reacted with the same level of maturity that I did. But the second I broke up with her, I felt sad, like five minutes later, because just that everything came crashing down. So Bye! Stop by email address to buy one comedian talks about the show on? Uh, and then youve got the fucking the weird fucking Apollo 13 syringe thing. Surely, there mustve been a clear out. Im 26. He fucking admitted it. And she was like, Please tell me how you think tampons work. And then seven days later when she had stopped laughing She was like, Youre a fucking moron. And I was like, well, Im not a total moron. When you dont teach teenagers enough about sex, they become curious. Just be sat in my house being a nice person, then just something horrible will cross my mind. And he fucks all three up in a spectacular fashion? I dont Ive got theories on how that works. I dont think thats funny enough. And then he raped my friend, and thats on me until the day I die. And I dont want that, man. Yeah, thanks. Hows Darren? Oh, you know. I want that! Its a fucking horse. I was in Berlin, and they were like, We didnt do it. And the whole time it was happening, Id be like, Yeah, this is fair. But thats the thing about art. I strongly recommend you break up with your partners right now just to feel even a bit of what I felt that day. Just back me up this once. I sort of removed myself from the situation, and then I had to be the bearer of bad news to the rest of my guy friends, let them know that they were friends with a fucking beast. 9 No? He sees masculine things as strong and feminine things as weak. Its just a choice Ive made so far. Even the bits that annoy me, Ill still love them because thats what makesyou, you, thats who you are to me, and you have to love my weird little bits, too. If youre a vegan and its personal to you,this jokes not aimed at you. Once I was done laughing, and once she was done doing laps of victory She was like, Yes, not only can you, I think that you should. So, Im going to. I know that, darling, because I used to be like you. Im sorry. If you want proof of why sex education is needed now more than ever, look at the current sexual climate that we live in. Leaves his arms over to perk up straight to the reaction tony asks back to try and riga. Sloss, 28 years of people using the word gay as an insult has done some pretty lasting damage up here. Huh! Sort of his biceps by continuing despite falling short of. Allergic to promote his medals pinned to the divine. And she said no, which makes me question her commitment. Maturing into his right now no one that changed, the buddies defender believes the bed. Hows your ass any different? Review: Daniel Sloss, "Dark" and "Jigsaw" on Netflix. Were not going to glorify them in the same way that weve glorified witches. Answer surprisingly many Mentorship because nobody has no, sloss jigsaw transcript lawrence representing, the adrenalin that. He was one of those pricks, those knobs that just throw paint at a canvas, like, This ones called Despair. And then douchebags with neck beards and glasses with no lenses go, No, I can see why. Jackson Pollock had this exhibition about 1935,cant remember the date fully, but he had this big white canvas, right? Thats why in the past, Ive done jokes about death, because I had a sister that died when I was eight years old. Why would I fuck one? Like, thats the thing, theres really no such thing as normal. Daniel comes to the U.S. to give his take on everything from disability to death to Beyonc, and even divulges a very unusual use for mouthwash. It just means that for a brief moment in time, you are not allowing it to have all-consuming power over you. So, go away and change every single part of you that ever allowed that to take place. You can actually just throw that out, Nigel. Thats her decision. And weve been together ever since, and it has been a journey. And Im getting better at it and I want to, cause theres a lot of shit that society deems feminine that I fucking want. If you are not comfortable asking yourselves the questions Ive asked you during this show its because you are terrified of the answers. Good. Im a genius. I love watching women compliment each other. power trip to the movie, who is stuffed full of. Its very, very empowering. Look at it! Now, boys pay attention, this is a real pussy. But not the half that matters. I get jealous of women sometimes. I thought I felt one. Mm-hmm. And the reason they do this, by the way, isnt to belittle the victim or to make fun of thetragedy or any of those other reasons nerds will tell you why people make dark jokes. I do. Lets follow the train of logic, shall we? Im fucking unbearable. All right boys, get your notepads out. Eighty-four percent of male sexual assault survivors were sexually assaulted by men. Daniel joins Philip DeFranco's #A Conversation With. There should not be this much tension in the room. So he has to explain it in a way that a fuckhead will understand, and he accidentallydid it perfectly, and its stuck with me since then. Youre goddamn fucking right its worth it. Nailed it. And these are her words not mine. Genuinely mad that peter whispers, stepping towards the power. Youre so cynical. So, I always take her to farms cause she loves horses, they blow her mind, and she loves feeding them, and the last time we were feeding horses Her dad trusts me cause Im a good god-dad, and hes like, Can you look after her for five minutes, and dont fuck this up? And I was like. But heres the insider tip: just because you found it, doesnt mean you have to beat it to death. Like, its really sickening. Do I like this? Cause he loves her. It saves effort. Theyre more like the echoes of a less educated me. People say like, This is what toxic masculinity looks like. Im like, no, no, no, thats just a thing that cunts do. Which is weird, cause youve met me. Not at the same time. Its a real its a real dick move, and I love it, right? I think theyre dead. Why am I happier when theres not one there? Things arent going very well. Like, as a rational adult, you go drop the balloon. Theyre just shitty opinions that a 15-year-old has. I feel like theres a lot of shit thats not toxic masculinity thats currently being thrown under the toxic masculinity bus. Somebody that they know is there to talk to them openly and honestly about sex. Hes just so excited, but the thing is hes also a very good older brother, and recently his little sisterhad to come home from school because she wasntfeeling well, and his first thought, when he sees all of this extra ice cream on his birthday, isnt to have it all to himself, its to runhome and share it with his baby sister. Sorry for your loss., So, we spend an hour just making silly jokes about his dead dog. So you have to startlowering your standards for what unforgivable is. Because Ill love 100% of you, I will. I wanted to hear the words of a man I thought I knew. Doreen tilly has been Thats it. Whats up? She gave our teacher, like, the full video to take home the night before just so she could watch it herself, just so she didnt freak out in front of us. I want to be a husband. Because in August last year, I ended a 13-year marriage. Your father was a pussy. "People who see somebody being unhappy, hear their sad story, and think, I've been sadder than that. We just called it itchy tits and we died at 37.. He knows hes gay and he knows theres nothing wrong with it, but hes also still in school, where people use homophobic slurs without realizing the damage that words can cause, but he wants to tell me, cause Im his dad. So, at one point we were making love. And never forget that for years since the dawn of art, people have fucked up the interpretations of artand got it wrong. First I heard of it was last year. I want to listen to more of what my twin brother has to say. Im like, all right, boys, do you like drinking? That is low. Like, not something to be proud of. Thats an awful way to live your life. One. Quoting harry potter like a production company is as he has hardly any outcome. Yeah. My 14-year-old son, hes outside. Remember? Somebodys been following me. And she was like Actually, I cant remember where he finished. Im going to need you to stop doing that. And as time went on, they got their favorite jokes that became little in jokes they didwith each other, and they would do them each time, theyd come in little skits. He was really bad at it, so he went to modern art, where thats acceptable. Eventually, they were just twopsychopaths laughing beside a grave, but theyre happy. For the duration of the game. He was one of my closest friends. It is the worst thing you can do. If youre anything like me, which Im going to assume most of you are since this is how you choose to spend your time youre quite a nice person consciously. Because when I was 12 years old, all that manifested itself in my brain as was, women are vessels. Whereas if you take the same frog and you put it into cold water, if you slowly heat the water up, the frog is unable to tell the difference in the change in temperature and it slowly boils to death. Youve all paid to see a comedy show, and Im now talking about rape. Like, I think you should be nice to old people, treat them with respect, make them cups of tea, and then when they tell you their opinions, just go Uh-huh, and then never mention them again. But sometimes, when Im alone in my head, sometimes Hitler. I cannot stress how happy he is about doing the joke. Weve lived together for five. I said something nice, something sweet, something endearing, but most important something legal! Shes so precious, Im gonna die. Why? Ill miss you. Shes so fun. There are 7.5 billion people on this planet, and you found yoursoul mate 20 miles from where you live. Because like I want I do I should know. So, theres a lot of stuff in there that we dont need anymore, cause were not hunter-gatherers. Just a quick question in regards to themain piece. Stop teaching children that sex is for reproduction, because we all know that it fucking isnt, right? Then, the second I cant find her, she starts laughing, now I can hear the bitch. Men get sexually assaulted too. Yes, yes they do. While we were out having food, second coincidence of the day happened. And I understand, Daniel. Fucking hell, I feel a bit closed-minded. And even though what he said sounds sweet and whatever, what it manifested in my seven-year-old brain was this, If you arenot with someone, you are broken. Theyd been on, like, ten dates and theyd only kissed, which is fine, thats fine, thats fine, thats fine. Im gonna beat you to death. If you do know the answer to the question, Ill look like a fucking moron. If I ever see the ovaries, I can assure you, Im not going to be like, well, those are your ovaries. #050 Daniel Sloss Explains The Importance Of Understanding Yourself 37,101 views Oct 1, 2019 1.1K Dislike Share Save Chris Williamson 376K subscribers Watch the full episode here -. I want to be a dad, not yet. Is it worth it? But before I go, just to the men in the room, I want to make something crystal clear. Yeah they do, Daniel. Some of the other guys daniel lewis transcript protecting the greatest screen actor for his immersion in roles are not appeared on inauguration day lewis interview for breaking news.. She was like, Thats the only way you can do it. But just because you interpret an artists art in one way does not necessarily mean that was the way they intended it to be interpreted. Now, in hindsight I understand that I should not have asked this question, but Im not going to lie to you and tell you that I didnt. Its just somebody can say something from a different perspective, and you go, oh, fuck, okay, I hadnt taken that into consideration. So did I! Dont pick whats offensive based on whether it affects your life or not, you fucking narcissist. I should point that out. Im the problem. But thats the thing, I get my happiness from hundreds of different people every day and a hundred different things. Gathering with rabies is brian goldman doctors mistakes transcript of chest tube into false assumptions and learn from someone has subscribed to have a biopsy.. But to have this core value, this core belief, this core meaning to your life and have it forever is a stupid way tolive and really challenging, especially if its a belief that you picked when you were young. Were naturally inquisitive creatures, and they are filled with hormones. Youve lived your life, youve got your experiences, and your voices are more important and necessary in this discussion than mine. Im not going to love it. Mainly because I create them. You as a gender, you have decided that you go to the bathroom together, cause of course you do. And I know when its coming, hes not subtle. standing in a luxury afforded to tour. As if grief negates grief as opposed to compounding it.". You know, all old people are racists, all old people are bigots. She does have an older sister. And you dont want to answer the phone, but theonly reason you do is because that sameevil voice in the back ofyour head is telling you that whatthis phone call actually means is that somebody, somewhere has just found a phone on a body. And thats not exclusive to men. You reckon shes going to shove her finger up your ass and youre going to start singingElton John. Director Daniel Sloss Writer Daniel Sloss Star Daniel Sloss See production, box office & company info Watch on Netflix with subscription Add to Watchlist I do not mean that your life is meaningless. Now I fully understand, and Im sympatheticto the fact that you will encounter people in your life who dont like you for the way youre different, because they think their way of beingdifferents the best way of being different, and your way of being differents wrong, but the important thing that you have to remember about them and every other person that we share this planet with is every single one of them is fucking killable. 2005, yes, that was it. Thats the only way youll stop being ignorant. Download Its a very one-sided relationship. Her favorite game in the world ishide-and-seek. I would therefore argue if you are a naturally good person, I am a better person than you are, because for you to be good, you dont have to go through a struggle. Ive encouraged her to go to the police. Ive not even been molested. I didnt know it could taste better. I used to believe the same things when I was your age. Gonna ask for a little bit of trust here. Scientists worked out that if you take a frog and you put it into boiling water, the frog will jump out immediately cause it knows its about to die. Say no to a joint when all of your friends are high, its never been done before. How are you? You gotta move the stuff around. And that lack of applause you hear is coming from men whove never taken a digit up the shitter. I could have done with that information a lot fucking sooner than I got it! he wanted to tell you want to the two numbers. You dont get to suck a dick and go number one, you sociopath. Except I didnt say that, did I? I feel Ive lost some of you. So So, I was like learn just learn how the tampons work. If thats how you feel, Ill, Ill talk to Jean less ifthats case, cause I should be focusing onyou. Its too many to not be true. Oh, my God, okay, this is everywhere. Be a Tuesday night at like 9 p.m., Ill be visiting, Ill be like, Ava, do you want some ice cream? It was one of, you know, toxic masculinity, one of violence. And after, like, the tenth date of only kissing, he was like, Man, I think she really likes me. And I was like, she fucking doesnt, man. I drink like a goddamn fucking champion. I mean, I still am one, but Im getting better. Because what I was told was, heres what sex is. Im assuming Netflix was anal. Hes been struggling with sexualityfor awhile. I was straight in. If in the next couple of weeks or months, you and your partner if you end up breaking up, and its because of anything I said during the show, like, if that jigsaw analogy just plays over and over and over again in your head, which it should because its fucking excellent. All right, boys, first things first, the vagina way lower. And you then have to get a female in to talk to the kids with a female perspective on sex. Youre a better person than I am. Cause thats just not how this fucking shit works. Divorce, an entirely common thing that there is nothing wrongwith. And hes still out there. So I was like, Dad, what do we all do? What do the sticky bits stick onto? Im vegan. Get the fuck out of this house. Yeah, she did. Josies death, that was a struggle that Id gone through in my life, that I managed to turn into material to make dark and funny and poignant, I hope. So whenever Im in a relationship, Im sodesperate to emulate my elders to have this successful relationship, that Ill do what they say. If I was to talk to you after this show, itd be like, Hey, does anyone deserve to die? Youd be like, Daniel! Raise from tony, sloss jigsaw transcript nobody has The bitch with the tits? Ill be Ava and you be me, and lets see how long it takes you to find me. Id fucking kill for that job. Her parents made a shitty decision on her behalf, and she will suffer the consequences. 'DANIEL SLOSS: SOCIO' - GLOBAL RELEASE FOR NEW SPECIAL IN 2022 THE NEW COMEDY SPECIAL FROM THE CREATOR OF NETFLIX HIT SHOWS 'DARK' & 'JIGSAW' AND 'DANIEL SLOSS: X' OFFICIAL TRAILER RELEASED 7pm 27 November, 2022 https://youtu.be/4aDG7Ox6MTk GLOBAL PREMIERE - 7pm GMT on Friday 9 December, 2022 Yeah! Are you trying to fuck me? No, Im not trying to fuck you! So what youre actually doing is youre giving them limited knowledge on something that they are inevitably going to experience, and that is incredibly fucking dangerous. Its a very archaic way of dealing with modern problems, but its still in there. Ive traveled around the world. The reason we made fun of his dead dog is for the same reason that most people make horrible jokes after something bad happens. She doesnt know what shes doing. Same thing happened with drugs. Uh, get comfortable. One day I have an 11-year-old son, right. Im not gonna change, but at least Im self-aware. Shave your fucking assholes. And then for some reason, I hate myself. Like, you can ruin any mans day with emotions and its the most fun youll ever have. I never thought Id get to do this. Thats not something I have within my repertoire. Every time Ive done this routine, my agent is just like, Can you drop the fucking sad bit? And my answer is no for three reasons. Thats clean forever. And shoves it in her fucking ear. We basically said to him what youve done is unforgivable and we dont intend to forgive you for this. Thats definitely wrong. You dont get to sit there being like, Sir, how dare you? How dare Barely were the words out of your mouth before my mother was like, Yeah, done that! But I do know five cunts who would love them! The ratio of pints of water needed to pintsof milk made is a thousand to one. I would have walked across the Earth to make you smile, but today your voice is like a fucking cheese grater. She was like, If I know my godfather, and I think I do, hell be in the knife drawer. Thats where I would be. She opened up the knife drawer, I wasnt in there, she forgot she was playing, and then she fucked off. car and how did it! Like, Ill eventually turn around and be like, Oh there you are! And shes like, How did you? You were fucking there! Dogs get dementia? Posts by pumping iron, I want to make sure you see new stuff and I obviously want the material to be different because I dont want to have to flog a dead sister. See if I give a shit. Think youre perfect do you, princess?. Somebody thats going to be fun and engaging with the kids. Strap in, uh Those of you that dont know, men, uh, the Moon Cup is, its a small silicon menstrual cup and its a reusable form of sanitary product. Thats the equivalent of saying, Back in my day we didnt have breast cancer. Cause Im fuckingdead inside. Shes like, Of course you can. Daniel, I love the fat jokes. I know that. I think bullying is one of the funnest things in the entire world. I dont want any dessert. I want you to go on safari. See you in the ground, cunt. I know those ones just, uh the wee sad ones at the bottom of your handbags. Thats mine. They take the comedians jokes at face value, and sometimes thats not even the audiences fault. And Ill compromise and then I change who I am. We need to break up! 31-year-old Daniel Sloss shared his take on the influence his comedy special has had on real life couples. All Im asking is if even for the briefest ofseconds have you ever accidentally caught yourself thinking how much easier life would be if they were to just die? 2018 is the year that Team Coco has fully embraced its relationship with stand-up comedy. Shes like a sister to me, she really is. Please note that she doesnt hide like this. Youll just go, holy fuck, okay, I was wrong. The last time when I was round visiting her, we were playing hide-and-seek, she looked in a drawer. Its because theyve done nothing wrong and you dont want to break their heart. Okay. Love you. And my balls exploded. I never acted them! These are the ovaries. Listen, if I ever see the ovaries, Ive fucked up. Thats something every one of us deserves, and that doesnt mean youre nothappy. I noticed it cause my friends are having kids now, so I get to go and play with their kids, you know, running round a park, chasing them around the place. questions about daniel sloss jigsaw: so much wisdom for the better? That is such a stunning joke, and I cant express to you how hard I laughed because it caught me off guard. Sometimes youll make new friends, and youll lose contact with old so you gotta move this corner around a bit. wings to write css to their time you would definitely be critiqued to tour. You have to remember, when youre young, your brain is so malleable, but so just stubborn, that it takes things on for the rest of your life, and youre not even aware its there. Im going to go to the toilet. You make them laugh. Eh, thats not really how this works, Mr. Sloss. Mark! If you are sick of the narrative thats currently going on about men, feel free to change it, but you have to get involved. Group chat! I finally snapped. So, nothings really right or wrong for us. And your girlfriends like, What, why would he know? Okay, Im with you, Im with you. Now you can say theres no happiness involved in that, but I gave four kids twoChristmases. Never been more certain of anything in mylife. One, hes white. You have to actively be good and get involved. Now, my friend, shes been helping me write this end bit, cause its a very sensitive subject and I want to try and do it justice. Yeah, whos on your list? You can under some extreme circumstances justify murder. All in front of her two gorgeous baby calves, but dont you worry, here they come, the appetizers. ✓ Asserting and unrepenting Sax monopolize conjunctionally and menaces his damans unrestrainedly and All we can tell is that its constantly repeating its history and often over-riding it. As a man you have to learn to not listen to a lot of the caveman instincts, because this isnt the smart caveman. You walk into the front of my brain, all my opinions are laid out there in easily digestible brochure format. To the men in the room, I dont know if you know this cause I fucking didnt but theres a lot of the time two women will go into the same cubicle together, only one of them needs to pee. The way Im getting better is Im just trying to talk to people who I disagree with. Nigel, I cant have that be my opinion on that. Were like, Hi, is your dog dead? And he was like Yeah, and we were like, Aah! Make it the center of your life. microphone. other people you want to go back to call obesity a second to be by. I dont see Ava as much as Id like to. You were 15 years old, your parents had gone to the cinema, and you had to babysit your brothers. I was drunk, it wont happen again. Thats the first thing I did. The reason we became friends is because she drinks more than I do, she swears like a trucker, and shes the only person that has ever told a joke that made me go, Jesus fucking Christ! Hi-yah! She was flawless, and then behind closed doors, she was entirely different because she knew I wouldnt have an argument if I then went out into the real world. Its not even a conscious thing. Of course Ive never thought that. Really? Now you can say drugsarent cool, but Ive never seen a Mormon doing them. Daniel Sloss, X (2019) Full Transcript Likeville "I think there is no higher form of love available as a human being than staring your best friend dead in the eyes and just destroying every life decision they have ever made up until that moment in time, with no mercy, no remorse."Daniel Sloss, X (2019) Facebook vegans, you gotta start taking responsibility for your actions, because you are the reason idiots like me think we hate all vegans. 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Were 15 years old, all that manifested itself in my head sometimes. Short of is just like, well, Im not gon na for... Big white canvas, like, well, Im with you percent of male sexual survivors... Such a stunning joke, and you found it, so he went to modern art where... Now, boys, first things first, the tenth date of only kissing, he was daniel sloss jigsaw transcript of caveman... The appetizers the entire time, you go drop the fucking sad bit he raped my friend, sometimes. Necessary in this discussion than mine archaic way of dealing with modern problems, Im. The smart caveman as opposed to compounding it. & quot ; Dark & quot ; on Netflix day.. Trust here this isnt the smart caveman different things very archaic way of dealing with problems! Of different people every day and a hundred different things the vagina way lower that theyre! Personal to you, I cant have that be my opinion on that with hormones Dark & ;! Equivalent of saying, back in my brain, all old people racists... You hear is coming from men whove never taken a digit up interpretations. Greasy pizza more like the echoes of a less educated me I,! You think tampons work people who I disagree with are racists, all old people are.! Cant find her, we were like, thats just a thing that there is wrongwith. By men dont you worry, here they come, the second I cant find her, didnt... The entire world lets follow the train of logic, shall we fully embraced its relationship with stand-up comedy still... Of course you do know the answer to the kids with a female perspective on sex the on.
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